holidayinn

NAME: jessica heather faren

AGE: 24

SEX: female

LOCATION: miami, florida

OCCUPATION: wedding/bar-bat mitzvah photographer

1. Any big plans for your 25th birthday?

Jessica: If by big plans you mean riding a camel in Israel, then yes.

RTP: So, we obviously have a Jew on our hands here. Is this your first trip to the holy land?

Jessica: Yea, but way to jump to conclusions. You don't know for sure that I am a Jew.

RTP: I do. I know you.

Jessica: Yea, but I don't really practice the religion.

RTP: Denial is a serious illness. You're going to ride a camel in Israel on your 25th birthday. I'd say you're a pretty big Jew and I've met your father he's like king of the Jews.

Jessica: That would make him Jesus.

RTP: If you wanna get technical than yeah it could.

2. Do you ever just want to pack your bags and hole up in a Holiday Inn for a few weeks with nothing but some 80's porn, espresso and a pack of cigarettes?

Jessica: I'm going to be honest with you, I've never really seen a porn and coffee gives me the shits.

RTP: That's unfortunate. There's a whole new world out there waiting for you and I'd like to take you there. Well, not personally but you get it.

Jessica: What's wrong? You're not into Jews?

RTP: I'm not into the idea of being locked in a Holiday Inn with you. That's my "me time" and I'd like to keep it that way.

Jessica: You can't be serious.

RTP: What do you think I'm doing when I don't answer your calls for weeks at a time?

Jessica: I don't know. I usually just assume you got a boyfriend.

RTP: Nah. I'm usually just taking shots in a dark corner somewhere.

Jessica: I really don't doubt that.

RTP: You shouldn't.

3. What's your ideal guy like?

Jessica: Starving artist look, unshaven. Guy Pierce in Proposition look.

RTP: Hold on, I need more paper. Okay, I don't know who that is but basically you want someone who drastically limits their showering.

Jessica: I don't know. I guess. I'm talking about like in westerns. So, I guess basically because I don't think they have showers in the desert. I don't wear deodorant or perfume so I have problem with men that smell better than me. You look like you'd agree with me by your ripped and stained t-shirt. I will assume we have the same standard.

RTP: Look, I've had a rough day. I have a plane to catch in a few hours. Get off my back.

Jessica: Yeah, real rough. I picked you up we went to lunch and I'm driving you home.

4. How do you think you would react if someone tried to rape you?

Jessica: Funny you should ask. I keep having this reoccurring dream where I try to deceive my attacker by acting like I am aroused by his actions. However, in all actuality I'd probably end up screaming "RAPE!!!!" and get stabbed.

RTP: Yes. You should always scream "FIRE!!!". Fire is enchanting and people are drawn to it and will run and save you. Rape scares people and they will run.

celebpone

Jennifer Lynn Lopez affectionally know to fans, friends and Marc Anthony as J.Lo blessed this world with her natural beauty, grace and class on July 24, 1969 in South Bronx, New York. According to People en Espanol she is the most influential Hispanic entertainer, my condolences to a certain Ricky Martin who I will forever be livin la vida loca with (video). Part owner of the Miami Dolphins football team, J.Lo has achieved unsurpassable fame and fortune through unique and groundbreaking studio albums such as On the 6, J to tha L-O!: The Remixes and This Is Me.... Then. While Lopez has moved mountains musically can someone please explain to me why this precious jewel of society has not won an Academy Award for her performance in such movie masterpieces as Maid in Manhattan, The Wedding Planner, Angel Eyes and my personal favorite Selena, based on the tragically short life of Mexican American singer Selena. Married twice, a tormulteous relationship with hip hop mogul Sean "Puffy" Combs she then found herself in the arms of Boston born actor Ben Affleck. Affleck who appeared in her music video for Jenny from the Block, (video) may arguably be the best music video of all time. Now married to Marc Anthony with whom she has two children I anxiously await her next move which will undoubtedly blow bodies, souls and minds to another unheard of dimension. Thank you Jennifer

stars&bars

NAME: christopher roy

AGE: 27

SEX: male

LOCATION: philadelphia, pennsylvania

OCCUPATION: urban outfitters receiver

1. Soccer or football?

Chris: Soccer. There's more talent involved. Is that what you want me to say bitch?

RTP: Did you just call me a bitch?!

Chris: Yes. Does that answer your question?

RTP: I guess it does. I guess it does.

2. Your mom or my mom?

Chris: My mom. She parties harder. Where's this interview going by the way?

RTP: My shitty blog. I have a blog. We've been over this.

Chris: What's it called? Turdofthescentury.blogspot.com?

RTP: Real fuckin mature.

Chris: Fuck you. Ask me whatever you want.

RTP: I'm going to you fucking dick.

Chris: Alright. Let's go.

3. Crop tops or tube socks?

Chris: What's that?

RTP: A belly tee.

Chris: (looks confused)

RTP: A short t-shirt!!

Chris: Ohh. Tube socks mutha fucka! What am I a Sally?

RTP: What's that?

Chris: It's a woman, which I am not!

RTP: Haha okay. Fair enough.

4. Gatorade or Powerade?

Chris: Powerade. Because Powerade has a white Powerade flavor.

RTP: So you're racist?

Chris: No, I just like saying white Powerade like, I like saying white american cheese at Subway. Is that weird?

RTP: Nah guess not. Do you have any black friends?

Chris: One, his name is Todd and he's whiter than me.

RTP: Once, I lied and told a former employer I had a miscarriage and named the dead fetus Todd. Do you think there's a connection?

Chris: No. Once, a former employer asked me if I was a candy bar what kind of candy bar would I be and I said a Payday. Dudes named Todd die everyday man.

RTP: Hahahaha. I can't handle you!!!

Chris: Haha. I don't know what you're sayin man.

5. TJMaxx or Marshalls?

Chris: Neither dude. That shit blows. Fuck that.

RTP: But the deals!!!

Chris: Fuck the deals! I buy shit thats gonna last. Not because it's cheap!