G&T splashAboring

NAME: casey

AGE: 26

SEX: female

LOCATION: midtown west, manhattan

OCCUPATION: actress

1. How would you react if you found out your father was a serial killer?

Casey: I have no idea.

Me: Well, how would you feel?

Casey: No idea.

Me: A wee bit apathetic are we?

Casey: No

Me: It's probably just nerves. Being interviewed for such a distinguished high class publication can be daunting to say the least. Okay, I'll go first. If I found out my dad was a serial killer this is what I would do.... I would first tell my mom because she might cry a little but then she would laugh and then say something about how she knew it all along and then she would get all Magnum PI and question if my dad's best friend really did kill himself in 2000 or if it was foul play and I think she would get a lot of joy out of everything. Then I would steal as much money from him as possible because he won't need that heavy coin in jail. I have a history with identity theft so that's gonna take two weeks top, I'm pro like that. Then I'd go out and buy a taser gun for the intervention. I'd probably take him to play tennis or go dancing, something we've never done before; just to throw him off a little bit and then I'd tell him I know he has blood on his hands and I'm very upset about it and I just stole all his money. GAME OVER RAY!!! I would just keep scream crying GAME OVER RAY!!! GAME OVER RAY!!! shoot him with the taser and call 911. So what about you?

Casey: I just have no idea.

Me: Okay. Well you could have improvised. It's called act-ting, you know that thing you do.

2. True or false: all black people celebrate Kwanzaa?

Casey: I'm going to go with false.

Me: WRONG!! It's true. They all do.

Casey: Really? You mean it's their born religion? Because I don't think most of them celebrate Kwanzaa. I know black people who celebrate Christmas.

Me: I'm sure those black people you know celebrate both. They just celebrate Kwanzaa in private ya know? It's not as a flamboyant holiday as Christmas. Christmas has a lot of smoke and mirrors. Christmas has Jesus and Santa Clause and Christmas trees and egg nog and drunk creepy unlces. Kwanzaa keeps it simple.

Casey: Yeah, I guess you're right. That makes sense.

Me: I know.

3. My roommate had some ovarian cysts removed today. Have you ever had a procedure of that nature?

Casey: Oh I'm sorry. That's a personal question though. I can't believe you would ask someone that haha. I hope she's okay though.

Me: Yeah, she's fine. She's a real liger. That's what they call a lion and tiger mix. I didn't mean to offend you. I thought we were just having some girl talk.

Casey: Yeah, I know. It's okay.

Me: Great! Let's move on to a different topic of discussion.

4. How badass would it have been to be a playboy playmate in the seventies. Hangin around the mansion in some roller-skates, thigh highs, hot pants and dudes with mustaches, gold chains and coke mirrors and mirrors on ceilings in bedrooms that have silk sheets?

Casey: Haha. If you like that sort of thing I guess that would be cool.

Me: Do you know what it's like to wake up depressed every morning?

Casey: Haha no. Why are you depressed?

Me: There's no mirror over my bed and my boyfriend doesn't have a mustache or a gold chain.

Casey: Hey girl, at least you have a boyfriend. That's more than I can say.

Me: Actually, No. I don't have one of those either.