blondecrucifixcut-out

NAME: jules

AGE: (i was afraid to ask)

SEX: female

LOCATION: hoboken, new jersey

OCCUPATION: bartendress

1. I come from a broken home. So I have a stepmom and my dad is throwing her a surprise western themed birthday party in Miami in a few months. What do you think I should wear?

Jules: A handkerchief as your bottom piece, suede ass-less chaps and saddle shoes.

Me: Saddle shoes? As in the black and white shoes from the 1950's? That doesn't sound very western and what about the top?

Jules: Oh well, I didn't know what they were I just knew the name. Makes sense they would be western shoes. Well, don't make me sound stupid. Don't put that part in, okay? You'll obviously have to wear a flannel. This is a hot outfit.

Me: I like where you're going with this but I think it might be slightly inappropriate for a party that starts at noon and I don't even know if it's open bar.

Jules: I'm sure it's open bar. Everyone has an open bar for big celebrations, unless they're poor. I'm sorry. I mean, you don't look poor so I just assumed you weren't poor but I guess your family could be poor so I'm sorry. That wasn't the right way to word things. 

Me: Were not poor. My dad's a recovering alcoholic and those kind shouldn't be around booze. 

Jules: Oh. I'm sorry. I don't speak to my father. Everyone has their own serious issues with one parent or another ya know?

Me: Nah, I don't know. I made that last part up. 

Jules: Haha okay, that was weird of you to joke about.

2. How do you feel about the statue of liberty?

Jules: I see her as a shining example of what everyone should bring to the world.

Me: What? Accessibility only by ferry? Friendship with the French? 

Jules: Only by ferry? Or doesn't the subway go there too?

Me: Does the pope shit in the popemobile? 

Jules: Probably.

Me: Yeah. You're probably right.

3. How do you feel about the Jews?

Jules: I'm for them but their curls and hats are strange to me.

Me: Uhh haha thats a specific type of Jew. Many more Jews walk among us and they look just like you and I, usually anyway.

Jules: Well whatever, I support them as long as they don't come into my restaurant and tip Jewishly. I think you should ask me a different question. I don't want to answer this one. 

Me: You seem prejudice and I think the world should know. Nobody looks at this stupid blog anyway.

Jules: I'm not prejudice! I've slept with like 12 black men.

Me: Gang bang? You hate jews while making love to black men. Hitler would be so confused.

4. Final question, Your shirt. It's incredible. Did you buy it like that?

Jules: Thank you! I can't sew. I definitely bought it like this.

Me: I love it. It's really awesome. I've been looking everywhere for a skintight belly shirt with a crucifix cut-out. It's like a uniform you wear for God.

Jules: Haha yeah, I guess.