rebeccaredpone

NAME: rebecca romijn redpone 

AGE: 24

SEX: female

LOCATION: miami, florida

OCCUPATION: lawyer

1. What goes through your head when you see a morbidly obese person hittin' up the buffet at the Sizzler?

Rebecca: I don't go to Sizzler.

Me: Okay, Golden Corral

Rebecca: I don't know what that is.

Me: Ruby Tuesday?

Rebecca: Never been to one of those.

Me: Okay, the midnight buffet on a cruise to the Bahamas?

Rebecca: I hope he doesn't put on a bathing suit later.

Me: TCBY?

Rebecca: Thank God they're eating yogurt.

2. If you were at a very classy 5 star restaurant and a severely handicapped person in a wheelchair with mucus coming out of their feeding tube and you can tell they're probably poopin in their depends was sat at the table next to you, would you ask to be moved?

Rebecca: No, but not because I like it.

Me: So, just because you want to be socially appropriate?

Rebecca: No, because I never move tables.

Me: Why?

Rebecca: I don't know. It just won't happen, I know that. 

3. If you were in the lead in a tandem bike race and your partner fell off what would you do?

Rebecca: Leave that shit behind.

Me: What if it was your mom?

Rebecca: I would look back, stop, think about it for a second and hope she would wave me on to victory. 

Me: Beautiful.

4. When was the last time it burned while you peed?

Rebecca: This morning. No, that's not true. Never, actually.

Me: You've never had a UTI?

Rebecca: Never.

Me: You're lying. Everyone has had a UTI.

Rebecca: No, not everyone. Sorry.

5. What do you think your spirit animal is?

Rebecca: What the fuck is a spirit animal? Is it like a bull? Like my astrology bull sign thing? Oh wait! Is that the thing Oprah talks about?

Me: I'm sure she has. I think it's when, well I don't really know...

Rebecca: Just google it .

Me: Okay, hold on, let me check this on my phone real quick. Okay, according to wikipedia a spirit animal is the third full length album from the space rock duo Zombi. So, um I guess were done here. 

aliecat

NAME: allison nicole

AGE: 24

SEX: female

LOCATION: upper west side, nyc

OCCUPATION: cast member in a off-broadway theatre production

1. Have you ever thrown up in a car?

Allison: I've thrown up out of a car window. That was unsuccessful. 

Me: In what way? Backsplash?

Allison: Backsplash. Wind is a bitch. You gotta make sure you puke behind you.

Me: What color was it?

Allison: I couldn't see. We were driving too fast, thats how I roll, what a gross question. Who wants to know what color it is, I imagine it was the color of vodka. 

Me: So, clear?

Allison: All clear.

Me: Honestly, that doesn't sound so gross.

Allison: Neither does a cum shot to the face, but it is. 

Me: Again, maybe not that gross.

Allison: I prefer proactive.

Me: On your face?

Allison: Yes.

2. When you hear  the word "powerhouse", what comes to mind?

Allison: Bench pressers thighs. He-man thighs.

Me: That's what comes to your mind when I say powerhouse?!

Allison: Yea, is that weird?

Me: I guess not.

Allison: Next question, please.

3. I ate an entire cheese plate with crackers, two different kinds of hummus and turtle soup ice cream last night and I'm feeling slightly depressed about this. Do you have any advice?

Allison: Master cleanse until all that cheese runs out of you like a fondue. I'm sorry that's so gross.

Me: Haha I've done the master cleanse before.

Allison: Me too, I barfed. Are you gonna ask me what color it was?

Me: Sure.

Allison: It was the color of cayenne pepper and it burned.

Me: Did it come out of your nose?

Allison: Yeah, it cleared my sinuses better than wasabi or Mucinex. I recommend  barfing cayenne pepper if you feel stuffy.

Me: Noted. 

4. When I was 8 my dad told me to never get a tongue ring, that they're disgusting and while maybe trendy they symbolize sexual promiscuity. What are your thoughts on this statement?

Allison: I don't agree with that. I think it symbolizes douchebagness but my sister got a tongue ring when she was 17 and my mom cried for weeks periodically saying while sobbing, "how are you going to get into college?". I was 12, it made quite an impression on me. Now, when I see girls with tongue rings I think they didn't go to college. 

Me: So, would you ever get a tongue ring?

Allison: No.

Me: But would you ever date someone with a tongue ring?

Allison: Hell yea, that shits awesome.

5. Coffee, blow, or diet coke?

Allison: Adderall and a diet coke. That shit gives me major dry mouth. 

Me: I like your moves.

idontknowthisishard

NAME: nicole

AGE: 20

SEX: female

LOCATION: williamsburg, brooklyn

OCCUPATION: american apparel associate

1. If you found out your prenatal child had down syndrome. Would you keep it?

Nicole: I don't want people to hate me. (she literally runs away)

Me: No!! Come back. We don't judge! You have four more questions to answer!

Nicole: (returns) No. I wouldn't.

2. If a terrorist came into your home what would you do?

Nicole: That's so hard. I don't know what I would do. Can I say that? What would you guys do? I don't know. Sorry. That's like a hard one. I don't know. How did you come up with this? Do you wear a side pone?

Me: Yeah, it's been known to make a cameo or two.

3. Which month has the most passive aggressive attitude?

Nicole: May. Definitely.

Me: Why May?

Nicole: I don't know that's a hard one.

Me: What's so hard about this one?

Nicole: I don't know it's just like um, really hard. I don't know.

Me: Are you drunk?

Nicole: What? No.

Me: Stoned?

Nicole: No. These are just really good hard questions.

Me: SAT quality questions?

Nicole: Totally. You should write for the SAT's.

4. Do you think I would make it on CNN with all these really hard questions?

Nicole: I don't know. Well, yeah I think you should definitely be on CNN. I would watch it. Is that like what you want to do?

Me: No.

Nicole: What do you do?

Me: Break hearts, make it rain. 

Nicole: Haha. What?

Me: Nothing.

5. It's Americas birthday today and my favorite holiday. Do you have special plans for the rest of the day?

Nicole: I don't know. I don't really know what's going on later.

Me: Of course you don't. 

fannynelson

NAME: tiffany nelson

AGE: 27

SEX: female

LOCATION: west harlem, manhattan

OCCUPATION: bartender/comedian/singer

1. How much bling is too much?

Tiffany: You're asking the wrong person that question. If you over accessorize, earrings, necklaces, bracelets, rings, watches, anklet bracelets, belly chains, toe rings, it's too much. 

Me: So, how many toe rings do you own?

Tiffany: I don't know exactly but a few. They look cute with sandals and evening sandals that show off the foot. 

Me: Evening sandals and toe rings that sounds like a victorious combination.

2. If we had an arm wrestling contest who do you think would win?

Tiffany: I would.

Me: Have you seen these guns?

Tiffany: I'm not impressed. Ohh Yahtzeeee!

3. Is the ass really the new boobs?

Tiffany: Totally.

Me: Why?

Tiffany: Because I don't have boobs and I have an ass. Ohh Yahh! You can do more things with an ass. You can make a sandwich and an ass looks better in jeans than cleavage. 

Me: Apple bottom jeans?

Tiffany: Boots with the fur?

4. Do you have "daddy issues"?

Tiffany: Yes. My dad is an asshole. 

Me: I'm sorry. Did he touch you inappropriately?

Tiffany: No. 

Me: Do you love him?

Tiffany: Yeah, well it's hit or miss. Sometimes I do, Sometimes I don't. 

Me: Do you want to out him on the internet so we all know who the asshole is?

Tiffany: No, I'd rather not.

5. How do you feel about body glitter in church?

Tiffany: Hey just do you. If it's you, rock it anywhere. 

Me: Come on! Give me a little more.

Tiffany: I said rock it anywhere. As long as it's tasteful. Just don't accentuate your breasts or vagina and maybe something in the shape of a cross would be nice.

Me: Really? I think some glitter on the breasts at church could be a terrific ad for JC.

Tiffany: You would.