NAME: sarah & gregg (sarah is part of the deaf community. gregg is her boyfriend who provided the translation for this interview)
AGE: 27
SEX: female
LOCATION: upper west side, nyc
OCCUPATION: designer
1. I see you're staring at my chin. I just want you to know those are not in fact chin hairs but stitches I received Sunday night. If you had to guess what do you think happened?
Sarah: I think you blew Superman. Talk about balls of steel.
Me: Is that your personal translation of what Sarah just said Greg? I don't think it's funny to take advantage of the hearing impaired.
Gregg: Neither do I. If I did she wouldn't be my girlfriend.
Me: I don't know you. I don't know what your motives are.
2. Do you think you're going to have dreams about holding and caressing these raven locks of mine for nights to come after this meeting?
Sarah: Often. I'm a huge fan of Poe. Is it weird if I sorta want to drug you, drag you into a hallway and encase you with brickwork?
Me: Do you think I can have your social security number just incase I disappear anytime soon or I need to open a credit card?
Sarah: No.
3. Let's say hypothetically speaking it's 9am, we're at a rave shooting up ecstasy like a mother fucker, my glow stick breaks and I accidently ingest the contents. What would you do?
Sarah: First I would pee.
Me: Obviously, in with the good out with the bad.
Sarah: Secondly, I would call a rape crisis center. It makes no sense but I feel I would be the victim. Third, what the fuck grab a beer and have an abortion, duh.
Me: I think things are getting lost in translation but I'm going with it because I don't know what else to do.
Gregg: They could be. I'm not exactly fluent in sign language.
Me: Does she know?
Gregg: I don't know. I can't tell.
4. What is your interpretation of the saying "it takes a village to raise a child"?
Sarah: Well, it takes a bunch of naked africans to raise a village. It takes a bunch of money hungry caucasians to raise a city. Hey, welcome to new york.
Me: You should maybe never have children.
Gregg: I'm not translating that. She's going to be pissed.
Me: She's going to be even more pissed when she realizes you only understand 1/3 of what she says to you.
5. Is it fair to say everyone in the WMBA is a raging lesbian?
Sarah: Is it fair to say that every guy who sucks dick is a fag?
Gregg: This is over.
Me: You're a bad person.
Gregg: Okay.
