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NAME: mike francis artus

AGE: 36

SEX: male

LOCATION: lower east side, manhattan

OCCUPATION: finance consultant

1. What's your favorite name for the vagina?

Mike: I think it's just "vagina". I love that word. Is there a better word in the english language?

Me: Yes. Pussy.

2. What's the grossest thing you've ever seen?

Mike: I'm catholic and I can't answer that question.

Me: What? Seriously?

Mike: Yeah, I'm a catholic. I can't answer that. 

Me: Okay. I guess.

3. Who is your favorite cousin?

Mike: Obviously Paul, let's be honest.

Me: Who's Paul?

Mike: You know Pauly.

Me: No. I don't know who that is.

Mike: Sorry for you.

Me: Clearly.

4. What's you sign?

Mike: Gemini.

Me: I knew it. It figures.

Mike: Why?

Me: Gemini's suck.

Mike: Excuse me?

Me: Don't worry about it's not your fault. There's nothing you can do about it now. You might want to give your parents a call though and thank them. 

Mike: Thank them for what?

Me: Nothing. Never mind. 

5. When was the last time you cupped and sniffed?

Mike: I have never.

Me: You're lying!

Mike: I'm not lying to you. I have not. I'm a good guy. 

Me: Are you gonna go home and do it?

Mike: No, I have better things to do.

Me: Like what?

Mike: Go home and jerk off.

Me: Fair enough.