NAME: jessica heather faren1. Any big plans for your 25th birthday?
Jessica: If by big plans you mean riding a camel in Israel, then yes.
RTP: So, we obviously have a Jew on our hands here. Is this your first trip to the holy land?
Jessica: Yea, but way to jump to conclusions. You don't know for sure that I am a Jew.
RTP: I do. I know you.
Jessica: Yea, but I don't really practice the religion.
RTP: Denial is a serious illness. You're going to ride a camel in Israel on your 25th birthday. I'd say you're a pretty big Jew and I've met your father he's like king of the Jews.
Jessica: That would make him Jesus.
RTP: If you wanna get technical than yeah it could.
2. Do you ever just want to pack your bags and hole up in a Holiday Inn for a few weeks with nothing but some 80's porn, espresso and a pack of cigarettes?
Jessica: I'm going to be honest with you, I've never really seen a porn and coffee gives me the shits.
RTP: That's unfortunate. There's a whole new world out there waiting for you and I'd like to take you there. Well, not personally but you get it.
Jessica: What's wrong? You're not into Jews?
RTP: I'm not into the idea of being locked in a Holiday Inn with you. That's my "me time" and I'd like to keep it that way.
Jessica: You can't be serious.
RTP: What do you think I'm doing when I don't answer your calls for weeks at a time?
Jessica: I don't know. I usually just assume you got a boyfriend.
RTP: Nah. I'm usually just taking shots in a dark corner somewhere.
Jessica: I really don't doubt that.
RTP: You shouldn't.
3. What's your ideal guy like?
Jessica: Starving artist look, unshaven. Guy Pierce in Proposition look.
RTP: Hold on, I need more paper. Okay, I don't know who that is but basically you want someone who drastically limits their showering.
Jessica: I don't know. I guess. I'm talking about like in westerns. So, I guess basically because I don't think they have showers in the desert. I don't wear deodorant or perfume so I have problem with men that smell better than me. You look like you'd agree with me by your ripped and stained t-shirt. I will assume we have the same standard.
RTP: Look, I've had a rough day. I have a plane to catch in a few hours. Get off my back.
Jessica: Yeah, real rough. I picked you up we went to lunch and I'm driving you home.
4. How do you think you would react if someone tried to rape you?
Jessica: Funny you should ask. I keep having this reoccurring dream where I try to deceive my attacker by acting like I am aroused by his actions. However, in all actuality I'd probably end up screaming "RAPE!!!!" and get stabbed.
RTP: Yes. You should always scream "FIRE!!!". Fire is enchanting and people are drawn to it and will run and save you. Rape scares people and they will run.
oh it's ratethatsidePONE.com. i thought it was boob, my mistake.
ReplyDeletethanks for the tip. as a young, ambitious arsonist i've found that the biggest problem in my industry is the constant threat of aprehension/subsequent incarceration. since reading your blog i've been yelling "rape" at each successive fire and found that my risk has been dramatically reduced. again, thank you for the tip.
ReplyDeleteYayyyy for sidepone and yeah for RSS for informing me. Randy
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